Thinking of Sarah and her husband as they mark Kate's first birthday. I wish we had "met" under very different circumstances and that we could joyfully celebrate our daughters' joint birthday.

Thanks to all for your very kind messages about Lydia's flowers. It means so much to have the support of this community and it's very nice to think that Lydia's spirit is remembered. Peace to you all.


My Lydia

The long gap in posts is down to a couple of things -- busy, busy, busy with work and sad, sad, sad about the upcoming 2nd anniversary of the loss of Lydia. I don't even have time to post properly right now, but I wanted to share a picture of the memorial flowers that we had done for church last Sunday (it was the closest Sunday to her birthday that they had open). The arrangement is a bit too formal for my tastes, but they did a nice job overall. It was very nice to hear her name out loud at the beginning of the service when they announce who this week's flowers are in memory of, and many people came up to me afterwards and asked about her. In particular, the fellow who is in charge of the newsletter (which I help out with) approached me with the program of service in his hand. He pointed to the line which mentions the flowers ("This week's flowers are given in loving memory of Lydia H___ F___, by her parents") and asked, "Is this you? What's the story?". I replied that it was for my daughter who was stillborn two years ago. "It's just nice to be able to remember her," I said. "And now we can all remember her, too," he replied, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. It was a nice sentiment.

Zarqa has lost her baby. I don't know why more sadness has to be piled upon people who have already experienced a lifetime of hurt; it's beyond unfair. She is taking her blog offline soon, but I have lit a virtual candle for her and her baby girl. I "met" Zarqa in an online pregnancy loss support group and it's because of her that I started this blog in the first place. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have found this extremely supportive and well-spoken group of women and I can't thank her enough for that. Zarqa, I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. I would gladly take on your suffering for you if I could. I know you are strong and that you will get through this somehow, but your strength should not have to be continually tested like this. I will be thinking of you and hoping that the love of your husband, family and friends is of some comfort to you.

Despite being on Day 3 of a nasty headcold, I really must get into the office today. But before I shove off, I just wanted to record a dream I had last night before I forget it. I dreamt that I was on the space shuttle with several other bloggers, including Lorem, Sarah, Catherine and Laura. But it wasn't a happy space journey -- we were reentering the earth's atmosphere and it was obvious something was going wrong. We were going much too fast and we were about to burn up. As abject fear gripped us, we all started hugging and crying -- it was awful! I was about to say that it was odd that none of my real-life inner circle were there, but perhaps the dream was a metaphor for all of the horrible, scary things that all of us in blogland have had to endure and how we've all done our best to support each other, despite the futility of it all. Or maybe all the phlegm in my sinus cavity is wreaking havoc with my nocturnal movies.

Anyway, off to work to try to salvage a few billable hours this week. I've printed up a little sign saying "Danger: Germ Zone" with an adorable picture of a green slimy germy thing. Office humor, ya gotta love it...