It's just over a week until Christmas and I still don't have a single decoration up. It's not that I don't want to decorate; despite everything that's been going on recently, I'm over last year's apathy and I was actually looking forward to getting some lights and greens up. But when I pulled open the chest where I keep everything, I couldn't find the lighted wreaths that I had traditionally put up at the four front windows. I vaguely remember stashing them somewhere else 2 years ago (the last time I saw them), but I can't for the life of me remember where they are. Same story with the outdoor lights. I came up empty handed after searching all the closets and the basement, so yesterday I decided to bite the bullet and buy new ones. Nelson (the puppy) seemed up for a ride, so I put him in the back seat and headed off to the hardware store. But being so late in the season already, all they had left were some huge, garish blue blinking lights -- not exactly what I had in mind. So, I got back in the car and started off for Home Depot. Nelson seemed to be enjoying the trip, so I rolled down the back window a bit so he could stick his nose out. Whether the fresh air was too much for him I don't know, but what I do know is that at the next slow I glanced in the rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of something horrible in the back seat. I pulled over and turned around and saw that Nelson had silently released his bowels rather explosively all over the back seat. You have never seen anything so disgusting! The poor guy was just looking at me helplessly, meanwhile treading around in his own mess, trying to find somewhere to sit down. I was just stunned and decided that the best course of action would be to drive home and deal with the mess once we got back. Which is what we did. I tied Nelson up to his tree and spent the better part of half an hour wiping, scrubbing and spraying until all that remained was a vaguely bleachy smell. Thank god for leather seats! Needless to say, I still don't have any decorations. At the very least I'd like to pick up a small tree (one we can put on the chest in the corner, out of Nelson's reach), but it'll be a miracle if we can get our act together enough to make it happen. I'm really trying to keep some Christmas spirit, I swear!

In other news, I saw the doctor today. I made the appointment since it's been 10 weeks since my last period and I thought it might be nice to get my cycle back on track once and for all. It turns out that it was time for my annual twat smear, so I was able to kill two birds with one stone. My doctor was really great, actually. He told me to take the last (third) cycle of Provera/Clomid and if things didn't start up again that he would refer me to a fertility specialist. He said that since I was able to get pregnant on my own before that I probably only needed a little nudge, which the specialist would be able to help with. As he was headed toward the door he added, "And you never know, you may just get a Chrismas miracle!" Given the state of everything at home, it would be a true miracle, indeed. (Though, I say that and despite everything our "marital activities" have been on overdrive lately, most likely due to overcompensation for the gigantic holes that have been torn through the fabric of our relationship, but I'm not complaining ;) )

Anyway, this has been a terribly pedantic post about minutia of my life that have absolutely no importance. But I'm too tired for any kind of profound thinking at the moment. Maybe a glass of spiked eggnog would put me in a reflective spirit...

I can't believe John Lennon's been gone for 25 years today. I remember the day it happened, going into music class and being greeted by a very somber and red-eyed teacher who told us the news. She then put on a Beatles' album (sadly, I can't remember which one) and we all just sat there in silence listening to his music for the duration of the class. He wasn't a saint, but he made some pretty excellent music and I still miss his presence in the world.

On a happier note, I'm just thrilled for Laura and Justin and their fabulous news... May they have a happy and uneventful nine months!

This was supposed to have been my year -- turning 36 on December 6th, the bulk of the year spent in 2006 (six is my favourite number, you see). I do feel like something big is going to happen this year. Maybe I'll find myself free and single, travelling around the world... maybe I'll be the mother of twins... maybe I'll find inspiration for a screenplay that will become a star-studded Oscar-winner... or maybe I'll just find a way to be at peace with where and who I am. As I blow out my candles, I simply wish for more laughter than tears this year. I've cried enough in the past couple of years to last a lifetime.

Well, the past couple of weeks have been pretty much hell in a rusty bucket, but we're in a holding pattern now so I'm able to breathe for a bit. I'm not going to go into the details of what's been going on, but it all had to do with secrecy, lies and deception, all of which make trusting my husband very difficult at this point. I love him dearly and I will stand by him as he tries to work through everything, but I have to face up to the fact we may not be together at the end of it.

Thankfully, I've had a cool contract that has been keeping me relatively distracted lately. I'm working at the UN Climate Control conference as a presentation editor for the webcast team. Yesterday I got to sit in on a big session run by the U.S., and it was entertaining watching them get slammed in the Q&A. Dodge and parry seemed to be the tactic of the day.

Anyway, given my crazy schedule (12 hour work days until the end of next week), I still probably won't be posting much until the conference is over. But I'm surviving the situation at home, so far, so the self-imposed hibernation won't last much longer. Now, I'm going to go check out the rest of blog-land and see what everyone else has been up to. I feel so out of touch!

And thanks to everyone for your comments to my previous posts. The kind messages of support have meant a lot to me.