It's a bloody mess out there. It had been snowing since the middle of last night and now the wind has really picked up and the snow has turned to ice pellets. We spent an unsuccessful hour trying to get the car out of the driveway and onto the street (that would be the royal we, meaning my husband spent an hour digging and driving and I came out periodically asking if I could do anything), so it looks like we're snowed in for the time being. I had a big meeting at the office this afternoon, which I really was planning on getting to one way or the other, but it's been postponed. All of which to say, we've got a snow day on our hands.

And why does this make me melancholy? Obvious reasons, I guess. I took a walk down to the corner store earlier and passed house after house with kids playing outside, fathers and sons clearing driveways, mums helping build snowmen... and I imagine in many of the other houses families were inside playing games in front of a fire or baking cookies or watching their favourite movies together. And I ache with the desire to have a part of that. I miss Lydia so much and I'm sad for all of the special days like this that I'll never get to experience with her. No matter how much I fill my life up with other things, that hole will always be there.

Oh, I think I need to go make a nice, warm batch of chocolate chip cookies. It may be a temporary fix, but I'll take what I can get at this point!

Your comments ring so true. There are so many days I just can't face, thinking of my twins (one stillborn, and the other dying shortly after birth) who should be here with me. They would be smiling now, rolling over, keeping me up at night.

Of couse, they still keep me up at night, but in an entirely different way. I would give almost anything, if I could hear them crying and take them in my arms.

Niobe
www.deadbabyjokes.blogspot.com

It still amazes me how the most ordinary of things bring to mind what should have been. And it still angers me. The sadness just lingers on, regardless.
Thinking of you.