I was just out having a quick cig (no I haven't quit yet, this is next on my to-do list...) and got into friendly banter with a few other nicotine slaves from the office. One of them has a girlfriend who is a month away from delivering their first child and he joked about not being able bring any cigarettes home, or else his girlfriend would want one. "She still sneaks the odd puff when we're out sometimes, but she's been very good." Without thinking I interjected, "I snuck the odd puff*, too...", and then I caught myself and paused, "....when you were pregnant?", he finished for me. I nodded and then furiously started thinking about how I was going to answer any further questions (e.g. "How old is your baby?"). Luckily another office mate came out of the door and attention was diverted to him. Now that I've opened my big mouth, though, it's only a matter of time when the new father-to-be confronts me on something baby-related. What the hell was I thinking?

Otherwise, Fancy Cheese Day came earlier than expected and we were able to enjoy a nice weekend of treats. I had a nice afternoon out on Saturday with a new friend from church. We walked around the Old Port and then stopped for a coffee. It was just nice to be out and sociable. She's had an interesting life and it was fun to hear someone else's stories. Also, she already knew about Lydia, and she was very tactful about it, without completely tip-toeing around the subject.

It's threatening to "Spring" here. Today it's actually above freezing, which feels positively balmy. It's been a relatively short winter, but it's been brutal while it's lasted. I'm ready for warmth and green grass and maybe a flower or two....

This is a boring post -- I mostly just wanted to vent about my breach of personal disclosure on my smoke break. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I need to learn to share more and not be afraid of offending (or scaring) people. It's only taken me two and a half years...

*Just to reiterate, I'd been a light on-again, off-again smoker for years, but quit completely 6 months before Lydia was conceived. Afterwards, though, all bets were off...

Dear Bronwyn, I can understand your mortified reaction at this slipping out, but maybe, just maybe, the lowering of your guard is a sign that things are slowly getting better, that part of you wants to reach out and talk?

Just wanted to say hi, and i am glad you have fancy cheese again! I hadn't been checking your blog recently and didn't realize you were posting more again until i saw you commenting somewhere else...and yeah, you will have to deal with the consequences of this little breach, but it may very well be a good thing...i hope so!