Friday, July 21, 2006

Nothin' left to lose

Well, what a 100th post that was... Thank you all for kind words. It means so much to have your support. A lot of you mentioned a second opinion, and, yes, I will be having these numbers double-checked. But in all honesty, unless there was a major screw-up at the lab, it really doesn't look good. My periods never became regular after Lydia, and I have had none at all since December. On top of that, I have been getting hot flashes and a lot of secondary symptoms that can be attributed to ovarian failure (frequent migraines, joint pain, etc.). That's the official term for it, by the way, "Premature Ovarian Failure". And with an FSH as high as mine it really does mean that fertility has most likely ended for me. (Fuck, fuck, fuck, I just can't believe I'm typing these words!)

I really can't begin to process this. I have felt completely numb for the past couple of days. All my hopes and dreams for the future have been ripped away from me in one fell swoop. I'm sure I will have lots to say about this soon, but right now I am at a complete loss for words. The only thing that gives me some odd solace is to now have a potential reason for Lydia's death. This process (menopause/ovarian failure) takes years and it could very well be that my prematurely aging system couldn't hold onto her. She was my womb's last gasp.
:: posted by Ann Howell, 7:21 AM

10 Comments:

I am so sorry....
Blogger Kathy McC, at 7/21/2006 8:39 AM  
I really wish I had the right words, but honestly, I am at a loss. I'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough, but it's all I have. Sending you tons of hugs.
Blogger Julie, at 7/21/2006 9:11 AM  
This is so unfair and I am so very sorry this is happening to you. (((hugs)))
Blogger Jillian, at 7/21/2006 9:21 AM  
I'm sorry. I wish I could make it better for you.
Blogger Catherine, at 7/21/2006 9:37 AM  
I want to say something and hope it doesn't come off as assvice... when I was researching FSH due to my borderline high result (I know, doesn't compare to what you're dealing with, but hear me out) there was a group on the internet *somewhere* about success stories with higher FSH than that. I will find it for you if you like; I'm sure I can track it down again.

That being said, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I will continue to hope that there's still *hope*.
Blogger Lisa P., at 7/21/2006 9:58 AM  
((((((((hugs))))))) Like Julie, that's all i have, and i just wish i had more.
Blogger kate, at 7/21/2006 10:56 AM  
I also am very, very sorry. It is extremely unfair. That said, Traditional Chinese Medicine has had some great results on fertility with menopause issues. A site to check out is http://www.thefertilesoul.com/

She wrote a book, and she does get results. BTW, I am in no way related to her or her company, but I've read her book, take TCM herbs from a local acupuncturist, and while I'm not pregnant, my periods are more regular. I was very pre-menapausal with 21-day cycles.

Another very good book to read on overcoming high-FSH is "Inconceivable" by Julia Indichova.

I've read both Randine and Julia's books, and like I said I haven't gotten pregnant, but I do feel much better about myself.
Blogger Heather, at 7/21/2006 1:49 PM  
Oh, this is such awful news. I can't tell you how sorry I am, and how I wish your burden didn't keep getting heavier and heavier. I'm thinking of you and hoping that some happiness comes your way soon.
Blogger Kath, at 7/22/2006 8:39 AM  
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

A million and one (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Blogger msfitzita, at 7/22/2006 12:37 PM  
Bronwyn it's all just awful, I am so sorry. What a shock to get this news now, after nearly 2 years of mourning for Lydia. I wish there was some light I could shine for you.
Blogger Thalia, at 7/24/2006 2:05 PM  

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