I'm being to feel slighly manic-depressive again. On Saturday, I expereinced a brief moment of pure contentedness, for the first time in a very long while. It had been a gorgeous day and I'd spent some time in the garden weeding and planting perennials. In the early evening, my husband and I assembled this outdoor fireplace I'd bought a couple weeks ago. The finished product was rather nice.



Feeling very satisfied with our work, we built a fire and sat in front of it, sipping some wine. It was lovely to be sitting out together on a lovely evening, with the wine and the dancing flames. At that very moment, I felt very, very content. But all good things must come to an end and the next morning I woke up feeling as distraught as ever. I felt trapped in suburban hell, in an unstable childless marriage and it all seemed so pointless. I work at an unfulfilling job, just so that I can have the privelege of living in a house that I spend more time maintaining than enjoying. I thought about what I would do if I didn't have to spend my weekends taking care of this house and garden. I specifically thought about what I would do if I were living in London and not here. I'm beginning to think that a change of scenery and a fresh start need to be more than metaphorical.

I've been going back and forth these past few months about the idea of selling my house and moving to the UK. My husband is from London and we had often talked about moving there once we were financially stable. Now I'm thinking that maybe I should sell the house and just do it. I have a couple of friends with IT companies in London that would potentially have work for me and with the proceeds from the house I would have a nice cushion to last me in case a job wasn't immediately forthcoming. It's certainly doable. And maybe my husband could even join me after a few months. After we've both had some time to think about our lives and what we want. The more that I think about it, the more it seems like what I really should do. Because I feel like I'm going to dissolve completely if I stay here much longer, and I'm too young to fade into the sunset just yet.

Those are some hard decisions to make. Packing up and starting fresh does sound exciting though.

Lovely fireplace! Starting new does sound appealing but just a word to the wise: London is loads more expensive than here or Canada. Housing near the city is just astronomical.

a break and a change of scenery and some job satisfaction all sound good, but going to the uncertain husband's hometown makes me say, hmmmmmmmmm. what if he does join you and it still doesn't work out? would you really want to be settled in london? i'm just asking.

I'm the one pushing to go to London, not him! I've got friends there and something tells me that I'd be a lot happier there than here. And if not, I could always move back, or try somewhere else. I've been here 14 years now and it's time for a change...