That's the earliest appointment I could get with the fertility specialist my doctor has referred me to. Why would I possibly go ahead with fertility tests when my marriage is in such a precarious state? Hmmm... many sarcastic and flip answers come to mind, but in reality I think it comes down to this: I am 36 years old and have no time to waste, so even if (god forbid) things don't work with my husband, I would still like to find out what's going on with my body and take any small, non-invasive steps I can to get back on track. The fact of the matter is that that I've had only a handful of periods that weren't artificially induced since Lydia was born almost 21 months ago. And I'm also getting more frequent and more severe hot flashes (the kind that I used to attribute to the Clomid), which leads me to believe that either I'm peri-menopausal or at least I have some major hormone imbalance. Anyway, I've got two months to change my mind about this appointment. At least the consult itself is covered by national health insurance.

Otherwise, it's been a shitty week in Lake WoeismewhatahaveIdonetodeservethis. I've started getting some light counseling from an acquaintance of mine who has a side business in something called Imago therapy. I say "light", because I'm really doing it as a trial so that I can write some marketing material and do a website for her. She can't pay me much, so since I'm going through a bit of a rough time right now, I offered to take part of the payment in trade. Anyway, it's been a surprisingly enlightening exercise so far. I don't want to go into details about it right now (mostly because it would be deeply boring to anyone but me, I think), but I'm learning how to be more conscious of my emotions, needs, and desires, which I think will prove to be helpful as time goes on.

I've pretty much decided that I need to get a regular full-time job, at least for a while. I don't have the emotional countenance to market myself properly right now and I need a routine that gets me outside of the house on a daily basis. So, now it's onto Project Get A Job.

After a brief respite yesterday when the mercury creeped above the freezing level for a few hours, it's back to being cold, windy and miserable. Sometime I really think that my moods control the weather...

Sorry you've had a shitty week and that the weather is sooo cold.... I keep complaing about the cold here in London - I guess I should keep it all in perspective! I think I would keep the appt you have with fertility specialist. Like you said, it can't hurt to find out what is going on with your body. And good luck with job hunting. That is always fun, huh? Not!
Stay warm.

Good luck with the appointment and with the job hunt.

I think getting yourself checked out makes perfect sense no matter what. There's so little we have control over in this world, and taking charge of your body is one way to snatch some control back.

I hope everything goes well - you deserve that SO much.

And good luck with the job hunt too!

((((HUGS))))

There's a story in the San Francisco Chronicle today about stillbirth that actually dares to ask, 'When are we going to find out why it happens? And when will we start talking about it?' In case you're interested, here's the link.

http://tinyurl.com/mnf39

Thanks, Lorem, that's a great article. The more this subject is talked about, the less freakish and alone we'll feel and maybe, just maybe, some answers will arise.

Good luck with the job hunt. I agree with you, see the specialist. Good luck with your appointment, too. I hope things start to look up for you...you deserve it!

I'm not sure what my opinion is on antidepressants for low-mid level depression. That's what my therapist said I probably have now (vs. having mid-severe level depression a couple of months ago). I didn't always feel great on ADs, but I think I had less time that I felt pretty shitty. I guess I would say consider them if you feel like you're not making improvements or are sliding down most of the time. And trying drugs for a few months is also an option.

Do you know about the GoodWorks website? They often have jobs posted in your area (geographic and skills). http://www.planetfriendly.net/goodwork.html

Spring is coming, I know it is!