Feeling slightly better than the other day. Had a couple of little talks with my partner, which were upsetting and somewhat frustrating, but also encouraging on a certain level. At least I was able to express some of my core emotions in a way that I felt was understood, so that was a success in of itself.

Today while surfing around on a quick break, I found this colour test which analyzes your emotional state by the order of coloured cubes you pick. My dad had a book about this type of analysis (one of those great 70s self-therapy deals) and my siblings and I used to have a lot of fun picking out coloured cards and telling each other how mental we were. My results today were scarily on target:

"Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel 'under the weather'. You are looking for a means by which you can escape from all the pressures of everyday life. But you must remember that the 'Past does not equal 'Tomorrow'. You are seeking a way to escape from all the trials and tribulations that oppress you at this time, but at least you haven't given up - if one pattern of behaviour doesn't seem to work then you'll change it for another.

You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.

It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.

The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking - and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'."

I hate it when a computer program can peg me so accurately! It makes my neuroticisms seem so pedestrian. I want to be creatively and uniquely depressed!

Anyway, time to get back to work. If I make some more money and we start pulling ourselves out of this debt maybe I'll be less depressed. Or maybe matters are really not as they appear and I will soon find out that I really the long-lost heir of an ex-patriated European royal family. Not very likely, though...

I did the test... at it gave me a different version of depressed... yea!

Is there a combination that will give you "you're happy"?

That was an awesome description, both your version, and the one it gave to me. I'm tempted to do the soundwave research one.
Been thinking about you. Hugs...