Lately, my life has felt a lot that montage in "Good Morning Vietnam", the one that shows the violent war scenes while Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" plays in the background. There is this gloss of normalcy -- I work, cook, walk the dog, go out with friends -- but underneath everything is horribly ugly. Last week I was feeling vaguely hopeful about getting through this one way or the other, but this week I feel like there will be no happy ending to this story. It's still early days, of course, but I can't help but feel rather discouraged.

I did manage to have a rather nice evening last night. I had dinner with my friends with the new baby and instead of feeling really sad and dispondent thinking about their happy family, I really enjoyed the atmosphere. For a good hour after the meal I held, rocked and played with the baby (while the parents had a much needed respite). I didn't focus on my loss or my failing marriage, I just thought about entertaining the little babbling bundle. I was surprised as anyone at how therapeutic it was.

Anyway, I've finished with work for the week, so today I'm just doing a few household chores and basically taking it easy. I'm not my own best company at the moment, though, so even "taking it easy" is a bit of a chore...

Glad to see you're around blogland still!

Sometimes i feel like i'm not my own best company either. You have a different situation, but i think i know what you mean a little. I hope you have a good weekend and at least a few hours of happiness! Glad to hear the baby experience went well. I feel like that sometimes seeing one of my friends babies.

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you. I wish I could do something to ease the pain of all the shit you are going through. I am so sorry. I am glad you were able to find some peace at your friends' the other evening. I hope you will find more moments like that while you are working through this stuff. (((hugs)))